Word of the Day: Buoyancy

I am sitting here looking out the window (a warm, dreary day), listening to P!nk and just drifting from thought to thought. This week is the return to school for many people and I have abundant thoughts going out to those who will be entering college for the first time.

Over the Edge (Maria, Lisa and Kristin)

Last week I returned from NJ where I had my first experience of swimming in the Ocean. Wow, one of the most interesting tidbits I learned from the experience was that salt water makes you more buoyant. I like being buoyant and recognize that this is not my natural relationship to the world. Somehow I experience myself tensed up much of the time, and even more so extremely reactive to situations. Not sure why, just always trying to figure things out, or workout fallacies and delusions...some might call this fixating. So, the experience of being buoyant was great as I learned how to body surf and just roll with the waves. Since then I have been reflecting on the gift of being with friends while sending Lisa off to her Final Vow preparation in Rome. We spent the days at the beach and watched some good films in the evening (plus some episodes of the Colbert Report). To be with friends who are my age from different communities is a privilege I don't take lightly as we dream and live into the future of Religious Life.

I returned to Fond du Lac refreshed and ready for the year. And, the first thing I did after dropping off my clothes was head to work on materials for the upcoming semester (there was an instant shift from buoyancy to a stone). Since that time I have spent much of the week just spinning out wondering if things would fall into place. Finally, yesterday I worked for quite awhile and then before leaving the Mother House an awareness about my choices flashed through my head. So, rather than get in the car and go home to fret I stuck around to walk the Labyrinth and take some time for prayer. That forty minutes put things into perspective. It is time to learn how to float a bit and not be all tensed up about what is going to come next. It is essential to prepare and that is where it can stop. Working and re-working ideas only drives me crazy and that tension is not good for anyone. Now, I don't think I am going to magically be able to become this buoyant being that just bobs up and down without being bogged down. That fantasy is not what I seek. What I think needs to happen is I need to lighten-up (which as I recall was the theme of the reflection given when I was received into the novitiate). So, once again I am setting priorities and realize that the work is not the first thing that needs tending at all times. If I want balance between teaching and learning I need to first cover the basics: prayer/meditation, relationships and exercise....the constant theme. So much of the learning over these years has been repeat lessons and again I am grateful for this.

Basking in the Sun

Wow, it is already Sunday and I have spent the week in Sea Girt, NJ with friends. I will be updating the blog upon return...so sometime this week (after I get caught up on preps for the upcoming school year). This has been the most relaxing time of the summer and we had some great conversations and much time to ponder. More later!

Break Your Heart

Today I was sitting in Mass and my mind kept drifting to the massacre at the Sikh temple in Oak Creek, WI last week. I felt secure in the chapel at the Mother House and was listening to the homily which talked about Jesus' presence in the Mass. That is when I drifted off into deep sadness about what happened last week. It is so difficult to understand how we can hate one another so easily, whether it be for our faith, ethnicity, sexuality, politics, or any other reason that exists. How is it that we are able to persecute one another? The prejudice I carry about somebody may not manifest in a hate crime. It might just appear as I make sweeping generalizations about persons based on my own limited data. It is easy to be suspicious of other people and believe they are up to no good, or trying to scam the system and everyone they meet. Unfortunately, I also am aware that people will rise to the expectations that we put forth. When I look upon a person with love he or she will likely respond in kind. I believe we are all seeking goodness and that at times people forget their responsibility. My guess is that the vast majority of us are on that path of forgetting most of the time and sometimes get lost in our judgments and confusion. I have nothing but my own brokenness to bring to this conversation and in that my heart and prayers extend to the Sikh community as they heal. I am attaching Break Your Heart (Natalie Merchant & N'Dea Davenport) as a prayer offering in an effort to unite my hope and prayers to healing and solidarity.

Retreat

This week went so fast. It seems like no time has passed since last writing. Wednesday was a short retreat trip and the time was spent well and much needed. There is something about having time set aside with God that always lifts me up. The focus was varied this time as I entered into the space of Bethany Retreat House, East Chicago (http://www.bethanyretreathouse.org/). I absolutely love this place and realized I have been going there for four years since I did my 30 day Ignatian Retreat for final vow preparation (that was remarkable and a very intense time). Sr. Joyce Diltz, a Poor Handmaid of Jesus Christ, is the director and has created a sacred space in an urban area. Of course during my first retreat there the silence became more difficult after the initial week, yet with Spiritual Direction every day and an interim break I was able to make it. My thoughts were that I would bounce all over the place and somehow I managed to pray and steady the course. The greatest challenge and best practice for me thus far has been settling in for these days of prayer. I love the other retreat experiences I have throughout the year, yet these days are always what I look most forward to.

Today I experience the joy of the days. The theme for me this week centered on experiencing some of the sadness of saying goodbye to the Dominican High School community. I spent much time praying with what it means to encounter Christ and recognize that this is what my life at this school has offered in new and creative ways. We talk about being community and this is something that I never experienced in this way before. I also reflect on the wisdom of returning students to the school over the years, and their gratitude for the relationships built upon Dominican's values. I experience pride in being a part of this place where education can occur through truth, compassion, justice, community and partnership. These values are fulfilled by people who believe in them and, although at times we limp along and make mistakes, the goal is to live the mission with verve. I am deeply grateful to the Sinsinawa Dominican Sisters who founded and provide the bedrock for the mission and practice of the school, these women have impacted my life in a most profound way.

Sr. Donna and her nieces

I returned last night to Fond du Lac and this morning awoke to the overwhelming sensation that part of my life is still in boxes and that sucked the air right out of me. So, my head has been twirling around this reality all day and it will have to be this way for a while yet. However, I went with two friends for a long bike ride and then a birthday party for Sr. Donna Innes, who had her two nieces here for the week. That was a blast and we played games, including "Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey." These were all organized by her nieces and who knew that a bunch of adults and two younglings could have such great fun (I won two prizes so left feeling pretty blessed).

Radish Mouse (yum)

Vision

I am at the Mother House studying for one of the courses I'll be teaching in the fall (Theology and Leadership). One of my friends called to have me watch Religion and Ethics on PBS at 1:30 p.m. and there was an interview with a member of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious (LCWR) and some other people regarding how we (sisters) live our lives today. Of course this topic is one I hold close and afterward it was nice to get back into my reading about Dietrich Bonhoeffer. He is a Christian martyr and theologian who was hanged in Flossenburg concentration camp April 09, 1945. His life's work is about what it means to live faith in action and as I reflected on the interviews my mind kept wandering to how we do this today in Religious Life (a common theme as you might already know if you have read previous posts). In another effort to take a break I began leafing through Vision Magazine (a vocation guide for Religious Life). This was fascinating as I looked at the plethora of options people have for finding a community today. I read this magazine when I first began looking at CSA and loved the articles and looking at the variety of men and women's communities that exist.

Today, my experience of Vision was different. The life I have been called to is difficult at times and, also the most beautiful expression I have experienced of sharing God's love. I desire to share the opportunity of Religious Life with people who are called to join us. It fits me in a way that nothing else did before. I know there was a time when being a Woman Religious was regarded as something of greater importance in building up the reign of God (as was the Priesthood and the life Religious Brothers) than people called to other lifeforms. The good news...or part of it anyway...is that today we know differently. My life is special, and the reason for that is I seek to respond to God's love with authenticity and an openness to share it with others through my religious vocation (ideally this is how it is for all of us, Woman Religious or not).

I attended Mass this morning at our Mother House and looked around the room at my Sisters and rejoiced in belonging to this group of holy women. They have worked so hard to bring about God's goodness and inspire the same in me. At the end of the day (or the beginning in this case) we have the opportunity to serve together with our diverse manifestations of God's love while sharing in the Mission of our congregation. The ministry is great and I absolutely love what I do. Yet, the way I feel when among my community, Sisters and Associates, is something that is indescribable. I think what is spurning this chatter was one woman interviewed for Religion and Ethics and how she addressed what women religious need to be doing in the Church. My immediate response was frustration. I find myself reciting my vows today and believe that it is in this formula I find my love for prayer, community, ministry and the Church. God called me here and my response is to answer with my life. At times I am provoked while it appears there are increasing divisions in our Church regarding ideologies, spiritualities and theologies, what it means to be faithful, and who has the right to belong. I joined this Church in gratitude for the large umbrella that shelters divergent thinking and practice in the pursuit of loving God. Today, as a Christian I seek to find that same passion in others as we face the suffering and joy of each day knowing at times we will fall while striving toward greater goodness. I am glad the National Religious Vocation Conference is putting out Vision Magazine and although I read it from the eyes of one who belongs to Religious Life I appreciate the articles and ads that show how differently and vibrantly each community expresses itself. Hmmmm....I used the word today often in this post....just had to get it in one more time....who knows if I will have a chance to say today, tomorrow ;o).

Twilight

The days of the blog-cation are over and so much has happened over the past two weeks (I missed you these past weeks). We had our community days and that was filled with great discussions and opportunity to plan for the future. Before our official start sisters under 62 y/o were gathered to begin visioning together. I was cautious about entering into this experience and found that most of us had similar experiences. There were 25 of us present and it was powerful to realize how little we really know one another as a group. I am still touched by the gathering and look forward to how we will build and dream the future together wtih the rest of CSA. The other days were good as well and I had the opportunity to work with a group to put on a day that incorporated the concept of leadership and with Associates and Sisters. It seemed it turned out well, tomorrow we will get the official feedback from a Survey Monkey to see if those attending thought it was a success.

Currently I am writing this post from Fond du Lac, WI (which reminds me I need to give people the official notice of my move) and the week has been good. Did I mention that I would be living with one of my community members and her 23 y/o niece (who has two dogs)? The awkwardness of moving-in is still a little present. You know people never offer you a blue print of their lives when you share community (like it would help if they did). So, over the years I have learned is the best thing to do is live into the experience and pay attention to schedules, patterns and ask questions. Part of my angst before coming was that I would not no how to do this. The reality is that I have an advantage in this situation because I know them at varying levels. I do feel much more confident about this than I did last Sunday evening while finishing packing. So, in this new situation it is likely time to reflect on possibilities and change while entering a new routine. There is something adventurous about it really. 

I am very aware of the massacre that happened in Colorado last week and offer prayers to those who were impacted by this act of violence. There are times when I think we really live in twilight and are confused about whether we are entering day or night. This is how I experience the massacre as I watch the media interviewing people who were there and getting the scoop. I wonder why we want to know all these details and whether they would be better off having an opportunity to put their lives together without being scrutinized? There is a poem by Adrienne Rich that is coming up right now as I write and although it does not apply directly to the massacre or the media response it offers what I find to be an astute perspective on humanity, yours and mine. And, I must admit there is something dark about the poem that fits in with my current reflection on living in the twilight:

What Kind of Times Are These

BY ADRIENNE RICH

There's a place between two stands of trees where the grass grows uphill

and the old revolutionary road breaks off into shadows

near a meeting-house abandoned by the persecuted

who disappeared into those shadows.

I've walked there picking mushrooms at the edge of dread, but don't be fooled

this isn't a Russian poem, this is not somewhere else but here,

our country moving closer to its own truth and dread,

its own ways of making people disappear.

I won't tell you where the place is, the dark mesh of the woods

meeting the unmarked strip of light—

ghost-ridden crossroads, leafmold paradise:

I know already who wants to buy it, sell it, make it disappear.

And I won't tell you where it is, so why do I tell you

anything? Because you still listen, because in times like these

to have you listen at all, it's necessary

to talk about trees.

Blog-cation

I am on a virtual blogging vacation (blog-cation--coined by a friend and less fun than a staycation) for two weeks as I move and stuff. See you upon return!