Rambling....Just Letting it Roll

Geez, this weekend flew by and there is little to note about it. I spent most of my time buried in books and on the computer typing in a frenzy to get some things finalized for Tuesdays class. So, I have not seen the news other than the Yahoo! bits that I pulled up for distraction periodically these past days. For instance, I know that there is an eel or something that invades the Great Lakes and is being used for something wonderful overseas. Okay, I don't even know that because I cannot remember the article other than the picture of the slimy thing grossed me out. That was the only reason I read it actually. Any semblance of balance has flown out the window and not remembering the eel story must be proof. Right?

We did have Prom on Friday night and that was wonderful. There is something about the students being all dressed up and transformed into people of polite society that always warms my heart. I hope they had a great time, the music was bumpin' and there was much dancing. Basically I am just consumed with studying at the moment. You might be able to relate to this: I tried numbing out to the movie J. Edgar last night and must admit I was disappointed. Next time I am trying to chill maybe it would be wise to rent a comedy. Someday I'll learn.

I am officially rambling, so, this week my attention is going to be put on placing some balance back in my life. I am not married to my p.c. (well, Mac actually), and realize tonight that when things get overwhelming there is not a mandate to remove myself from prayer/meditation, exercise and the activities of other humans. I have made a couple of trips out for priority events but that is it, oh wait I did meet a friend for dinner last night...nobody would have been hurt if I went for a walk rather than played "Words With Friends" during my down time. Heck, I could have done both at the same time. Okay, this is one of those rambling blog nights...no focus and self-contained....thanks for bearing with me.

Bridge Over Troubled Waters

This weekend I spent most of my time in bed with the flu. Yesterday I was going to join our Associates and Sisters in Fond du Lac for a day of sharing titled, "Community Under Construction." Sadly I missed it. Word on the street is that the day went well and is a great lead-in for another day to be shared together this summer. I was going to use Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Waters to accompany the theme of bridge building for my part of the day. Tonight I share it with you and for all Religious Communities as we continue to seek the wisdom of the Holy Spirit in the many changes we are experiencing and the many relationships that call us to greater love.

Speaking of bridges I want to share the following news that has an impact on the life of which I am called and am committed. As some of you might know the Vatican led an investigation of the Leadership Conference of Women Religious (LCWR), and also recently held an Apostolic Visitation with Religious Communities in the United States, also an investigation of sorts. The results are in for LCWR from the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith (http://www.usccb.org/news/2012/12-062e.cfm). I pray again for the wisdom of the Holy Spirit in these matters and will just end it on this note with the song again offering my sentiment.

Reality Strikes

Oh, wow, where did break go? Here it is Sunday night and I have to teach tomorrow. And the other thing is I am having one of those nights when there is not a fluid thought in my head. Unfortunately I have been steeped in books and journals and not even aware of what is happening in the news. We are still in Easter so we continue to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. My community buried one of our sisters this week, Kathy Nelessen, unfortunately I was unable to make it to the services. She entered into eternal life as a woman who dealt with cancer for nearly 25 years, and she serves as an inspiration in the pursuit of resurrection. There was another death this week as my nephew had to put his cat, Gwynny, to sleep. These are the days nobody wants to deal with as a pet owner and he was able to  be present for her death.  My mom and sisters were with him. It is in these moments that we have an opportunity to realize the fragility of life and, while I reflect on these two deaths I recognize the impermanence of it all. I remember the line from Meet Joe Black, "The only guarantees in life are death and taxes." That is a crass way of stating it yet it often come to mind. Somehow we are interlopers in this realm and, as hard as it is for me to see most of the time, the resurrection is really only one breath away and in this we live our "Alleluia's."

Happy Easter!

Where are we on Easter morning? That is my thought today as I look to this season of resurrection and marvel at the continuous tension we live every day between both death and resurrection. Sometimes it is like straddling two worlds. Today, I have the fortune of witnessing the youth garbed in white telling the women Jesus has risen. I know that resurrection is real through the experience of other people who reflect this in ways that are indescribable. This is pure gift. Resurrection happens in our lives in ways that cannot be predicted. I know this, and like you, have lived during times of desolation when the only thing that exists is hope in something better while having a willing heart. I have never been let down by the resurrection (even when I think so) and tonight pray for those people who are out there experiencing life beyond desolation and are suffering from despair. Geez, I don't mean to be a downer during Easter, just am aware that along with the great joy that I experience today there are those people who are not feeling the love. Unfortunately I have the curse of knowing the tension between despair and hope and am aware that suffering abides every day. It is how we cope that makes the difference. I am also aware that despair is just as real as hope (only because I have spent some time there myself, blech). Yet, love continually found its way to my heart and throughout life I have learned that it is, was and always will be present. I wish it were so easy for others. Just some Easter thoughts as I revel in the mystery of God's love and this experience of resurrection.

Now, for the days events...just a quick re-cap. Woke-up to my mother telling me crazy stories and making me laugh. She might be trying to kill me with her crazy stories...she is something that one. We went to my sister and brother-in-laws for dinner. We only had half the family while Yvonne, Brett and Jack are traveling back from vacation, this was a bummer and we all missed them. My guess is they were bickering in the car while we were enjoying the day....you know how trips can get tense on the way home. I learned that the word feast does not have to be confused with gluttony (geez...at least I hoped I learned it this time...probably not). Then my Mom and I drove away and left the mess and the memories with Heather and Rob. Good times!

Passion Sunday

Recently something happened (this is going to be vague so please bear with me) and my ego got all mixed-up in it and suddenly I was not feeling at all good about myself. The thing that  amuses me in this scenario (which plays out far too often) is the stance of defense I take to protect my failing self. This is so frustrating. Somehow my self-image is a big priority in life and when that illusion is challenged there is an internal quiver. As a result I prepare for battle. It is as if I would die over the smallest issue if, in the end I look good for the cause. This is likely one of the many instances of insanity that are embodied in any one slice of a person's life.

As I reflect on my self-protective stance I think of today's message about Jesus being led to slaughter without dignity in today's readings for Palm Sunday. The scene is very dark, and he is not fighting at all for a cause that appears to be much more worthy than my little meltdowns and mix-ups. While they were proclaiming the Gospel in church today I kept thinking of Jesus being humiliated and torn up by the cruelty of humanity.  How do I find myself there with him when I cannot even see that it is okay to be unsure, unsettled and unclear at times? How do I bear the marks of humanities torment in a way that offers healing, rather than avoiding the pain of another or my own? What is it that calls to me when we have a situation that allows for a child to be shot down while people protect the man that had the gun? This past month the tragic end Trayvon Martin's life has been in the news. It befuddles me how this is being handled. And what about the many who are beat down, tortured, and forced to bear the marks of humanity every day and continue to live and die invisible to so many of us? This week as we prepare for Triduum these thoughts face me. Right now I experience my connection to the suffering of the world, and join with others in the practice to bring about healing.