Recently something happened (this is going to be vague so please bear with me) and my ego got all mixed-up in it and suddenly I was not feeling at all good about myself. The thing that amuses me in this scenario (which plays out far too often) is the stance of defense I take to protect my failing self. This is so frustrating. Somehow my self-image is a big priority in life and when that illusion is challenged there is an internal quiver. As a result I prepare for battle. It is as if I would die over the smallest issue if, in the end I look good for the cause. This is likely one of the many instances of insanity that are embodied in any one slice of a person's life.
As I reflect on my self-protective stance I think of today's message about Jesus being led to slaughter without dignity in today's readings for Palm Sunday. The scene is very dark, and he is not fighting at all for a cause that appears to be much more worthy than my little meltdowns and mix-ups. While they were proclaiming the Gospel in church today I kept thinking of Jesus being humiliated and torn up by the cruelty of humanity. How do I find myself there with him when I cannot even see that it is okay to be unsure, unsettled and unclear at times? How do I bear the marks of humanities torment in a way that offers healing, rather than avoiding the pain of another or my own? What is it that calls to me when we have a situation that allows for a child to be shot down while people protect the man that had the gun? This past month the tragic end Trayvon Martin's life has been in the news. It befuddles me how this is being handled. And what about the many who are beat down, tortured, and forced to bear the marks of humanity every day and continue to live and die invisible to so many of us? This week as we prepare for Triduum these thoughts face me. Right now I experience my connection to the suffering of the world, and join with others in the practice to bring about healing.