Do you recall your last big move? Or, your first? That is the hub-bub in my head tonight, and basically I want to make it all go silent.
This weekend one of my friends treated our usual group to a condo in Wisconsin Dells and passes to the Water and Theme Park across the parking lot. It was a different experience than we are used to as a group and it seemed like last night we finally found our stride. I was sad to leave today, yet had to get home and start packing for the move while I try to finish my summer class. Did get much done after reading an article and a short nap. Tonight I feel much better about the move than this morning. The goal is to have it all done by next Monday so that when I leave that evening for CSA Days (our annual gathering of Sisters and Associates) I will be breathing easy when the move actually happens on July 16. Moving is never a fun experience for me. Packing and unpacking are activities I could do with out. I am fretting more than usual about this one and really trying to take my time going through things. In reality what has been accumulated living alone has been very little. Much is being handed back over to Goodwill Industries and Salvation Army. I recall my first ever apartment, everything was furnished by St. Vincent de Paul and Goodwill. And, wow, it was so much fun shopping for it all. Living was very sparse back then and simplicity was much easier. Of course, my guess is that most of my boxes is books. The last time I moved most of the books were donated to a University library (I referred to it as the Vatican Library). This time they all need to come along for the ride and most of them are still theological, while I accumulate all this material on Leadership Studies and Critical Theory/Pedagogy.
While packing up my prayer area I realized that I am again moving into a house of shared space. My sacred objects will join me in a new space, while finding a prayer corner in a bedroom. The two years here have been good. It is like for the first time in many years I was able to create and claim space for myself. This offered a much needed refuge. Selfishly this is difficult to release. There is a piece of me that is content with not having to share. Yet, I know that this is not the life I am committed to and it is not what is stirring in my heart. Still, I am not clear on what it is that is stirring and sometimes I am impatient with God about it, questioning constantly whether moving is the right thing to do? Of course, in many ways this accompanies my broader response as a committed Woman Religious. What is it that my vows offer to the betterment of the world? The realities of this life are changing pretty fast. What is the challenge being offered to Religious in the 21st Century? Do I have the courage to stand-up and say, "Yes!" with the same verve that was there the first time I proclaimed my vows? Okay, this is a slice that came out of a prayer space, and of course each of the objects is a reflection of my spiritual life and journey thus far. So tonight I am sitting with all the questions....my guess is there will be more as the transition continues. Let's face it moving is difficult for all of us and although it feels like chaos the good news is that impermanence is real and hopefully will continue to foster more questions.